very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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