I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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