I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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