I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She's the barista slut.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
