talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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