I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
