you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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