now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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