I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
