I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
