just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize