You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
