What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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