Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
