He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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