well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
