Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
