Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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