I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
