no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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