i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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