TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
