my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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