..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
