Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
