I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
