She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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