This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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