How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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