Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
