i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
