hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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