Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
