when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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