I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
