woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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