today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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