Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
