Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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