sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
