We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
