How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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