I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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