So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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