hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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