i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
