i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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