Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
