Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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