I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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