The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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