Someone shit on the floor
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
