Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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