i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my shit smells like andre
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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