threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He did a backflip because drugs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
