R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
