I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
