erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
