then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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