No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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