i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
