Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
