I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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