this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
